dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
