So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
