Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
i think my cat just said my name.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
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