her facebook's as public as her vagina
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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