yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Where is the hickey?
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
