Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
