he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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