We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
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