she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
