becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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