i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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