my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
