He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
