Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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