She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
