Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
