Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
