So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
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