I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
