Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
