I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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