ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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