I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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