I can text with my tongue
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
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