He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
