It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
do herpes really smell.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
