Dude my mom stole all your condoms
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I think people are normalizing furries
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