She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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