Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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