PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
