Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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