guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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