I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
We left an ass print on the piano.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
