Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
