I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
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My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
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one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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