I just pynch a tree in the face
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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