The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
