gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize