I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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