It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
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