tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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