Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
