In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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