how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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