Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
