Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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