If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
