This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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