the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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