I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Randomize
