that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
