Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
