Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Randomize
