I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Ketchup is God's man juice
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize