Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
