Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
what day is it and did you see me today?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
