Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
