Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
