so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
