I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
