I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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