the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
