moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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