Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
