Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Randomize
