i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
