he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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