you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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