it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
