...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
