I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
