I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
