I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
