I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
