Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
