I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
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We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
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So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died