Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I don't deserve a penis
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to