i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
