it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
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She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
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Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me