I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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