I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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