I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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